“Sometimes letting things go is an act of far greater power than defending or hanging on”
While coaching a young manager recently I observed in our conversations that she constantly worried about work incidents in the past. When we explored what she could do going forward she came up with solutions but every time we spoke after that the same pattern would emerge. She was stuck on what had happened and was unable to just let go.
While speaking to a good friend the same pattern emerged. She had solutions but was unable to let go and would spend time talking about what happened and how she felt. And it was the same conversation again and again
When my father passed way some years ago I would wake up feeling numb and unable to explain why I was in a dream like state all the time. I was in denial of the reality of what had happened I discovered later when I started reading and speaking to counsellors about dealing with death of a loved one.
A coachee who lost a family member to addiction was grieving and blamed the doctors for his death. He refused counselling saying it was of no use to him.
The Kubler Ross curve is used to explain how we deal with change. It’s called the change curve and is used in organisation studies. It was created by a psychologist who studied terminally ill patients and the pattern of how we as humans deal with change.
It’s a very useful tool for identifying what stage we are at and to make efforts to move to the next stage. What efforts can we make?
Well first and most important – forgiveness and self compassion.
This curve can help you identify the various stages of where you are and where you can go. When I read about this curve I realised that so many of us are stuck and have not moved on. It’s a wake up call when you realise that you are holding on to so much
Here is a link to some information on the stages
What stage are you at?
What action can you take to move to letting go? What resources or help do you need to move on?
Because only when you let go can you grow.
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