Why did it happen? Why does this happen to me? Why did you do that? Why are you late? Why am I always making wrong decisions? Why are people speaking to me like that?

We hear this word ‘Why’ all the time. I have heard it many many times while coaching and training on communication or selling. And I found a really great solution for this because it was making the people using this sort of phrasing find excuses, punish themselves, become defensive

‘Why’ type questions are best to be avoided (for ourselves and others). And why should we avoid using them? (ha ha little joke there!) Let me rephrase – what is the reason we should avoid using ‘Why’ as much as we can?

When interacting with people, this word ‘why’ sounds like you are interrogating someone. (Like CID inspector Pradyuman!) Imagine if it’s your customer, it makes them uncomfortable. If its an intimate relationship the chances of a fight are pretty high!

Instead – use the word ‘What’. It sounds gentler and is a word which helps you rephrase your communication and make it more empathetic and gentle. And after all, aren’t we all here to become strong and empowered so we can collaborate and build a better community, family, world?

What about starting with ourselves? Replace the word ‘why’ when you are talking to yourself in your head and especially when you are upset. Instead of saying ‘why did I do this?’ how about rephrasing to say ‘what can I do to change this?’ I have tried it and it really works. It helps you increase your awareness and it doesn’t allow your clever brain to make up excuses.

Think about it the next time you want to use the word why.

‘Why questions trap us in the rearview mirror. What move us forward to our future’ – I really like what the speaker says in this video.

Watch this video on some research that has been done on this.

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